They're home!

Alexa

Delaney

Well, the babies came home just over a week ago (on October 10th). Praise God! It has been so nice to have our whole family under the same roof for once! Of course this has presented it's own set of challenges, but it's definitely been good to be together finally. Alexa and Delaney are doing wonderfully. They came home Saturday and when they had their doctor appointment on Wednesday they had already gained nearly half a pound each. Delaney was averaging a gain of 2 ounces per day and Alexa was averaging one ounce per day. The doctor said they're usually thrilled if they are even gaining a half of an once per day at this point. They are growing so quickly and even look almost like "normal" sized newborns at this point! The last they were weighed Delaney weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and Alexa weighed 5 pounds, which granted is still half the birth weight of my other kids, but they seem so big now! Alexa's thyroid levels are much better, and although they are both still a little jaundiced the doctors are not overly concerned about it at this point.

The hardest thing so far has been the lack of sleep. Although they are both great babies and rarely cry unless they are hungry or cold or in need of a diaper change, they still eat every 3 hours or so at this point around the clock. And since there are two of them and I am pumping this can sometimes take up to 1 1/2 to 2 hours in the middle of the night and then you only have another hour or two until it's time to start it all over again. Eugene took part of the week off this week so he has been able to help out with the night shifts at this point, but I don't know how things are going to go once he goes back to work this week!

The harder thing for the older kids is understanding why they are not able to do some of the things we did as a family previously (like leaving the house, for example!). They all adore the babies and are very good at helping out, but I hope they don't end up resenting them as a result of the this temporary change in lifestyle. We are doing are best to keep things as normal for them as we can, but there are some things we just can't help. Taiven especially is having to learn how to be patient as I cannot get him things as quickly as he would like me to at times. Poor kid, he must have asked to "change poopy" about 20 times while I was feeding Delaney the other day. Maybe this will be good motivation for him to start using the potty if I can't always attend to his needs right away! Other than that I can only think of one occasion during the past week in which 4 of the 5 kids were crying at one time, and we managed to survive that so I'm thinking there's hope! :)

Once again I have just been overwhelmed by how supportive everyone has been - bringing meals and gifts, offering to pick up the kids from school or watch the kids during the day, offering to pick things up from the grocery store for us or to come stay with the babies so we can go to church or to come watch the kids so I can get some rest, or just to help in any way they can. I truly have felt so overwhelmed and humbled by this whole process. The hard thing for me will be taking people up on their offers to help, although I've just had to learn to start getting over that because, as Eugene likes to remind me, we need it!

The day we went to bring the babies home from the hospital I was reading my Bible (while pumping, might I add - I've gotten very good at multi-tasking!) and the chapters I read were just so fitting. One of the verses that stuck out to me was "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" (Psalm 126:3). How fitting. God truly has done great, even amazing, things for us and continues to provide for us in ways beyond what I could even ask or imagine! I am so grateful to have our 2 healthy miracle babies home with us, even when I am exhausted and dealing with two hungry babies in the middle of the night! The other verse that I read was "Sons (and I'm assuming daughters!) are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him... Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" (Psalm 127:3,5). Was a looking for a double "reward" from the Lord? Uh, no. But do I feel blessed to have been given two? Definitely. Undeserving, but blessed.

The final verse that stuck out to me was that "He (the Lord) grants sleep to those he loves." I kid you not! It says that in the Bible! To which my response is "Don't you love me anymore, Lord???" :) I guess His blessings sometimes come with a price... somehow I have a feeling it's worth the cost.

Coming home soon???

Somehow I am finding that it's much harder to maintain a blog when you're not sitting around a hospital room 24 hours a day! My days feel much more chaotic these days than they did a month or so ago. As strange as it sounds, I'm beginning to feel like my 6 week hospital stay was God's way of providing a rest for me before the real chaos began! I thought I would feel less torn and pulled in fewer directions once the babies moved up here from GR, but somehow I still feel pulled in different directions! I'm torn between wanting to spend time with the babies and wanting to spend time with my older kids; wanting to catch up with all my friends that I haven't seen in the last couple months and wanting to get things done around the house and elsewhere before the babies are home and I have no time to do any of the above, and the list goes on. I feel like my days are just spent running back and forth between the hospital and home and school, etc., etc. and I am left with very little quality time with anyone! I keep thinking the next phase will be better, but I'm beginning to wonder if it really will or if this will just continue to be a struggle to juggle everything from here on out. The kids have been pretty understanding so far, but I'm wondering how things will go once the babies are home and I have less and less time to devote to them individually!

Speaking of the babies coming home, it looks like they may be able to come home as early as this weekend! They have been eating really well lately and gaining weight. At one point last week they had to have their feeding tubes put back in for a little while because they were just getting too tired, but they have had them back out now for about 4 days and seem to be going strong with the bottles! They both weigh around 4 1/2 pounds now, give or take a little. The doctor took them off of the milk fortifier yesterday, and wants to see if they will continue to gain weight without it, but that is the last thing they really need to accomplish before they can come home, assuming they don't regress in the mean time.

The only other significant thing that has happened in the last week or so is that they had a head ultrasound done, and found that both Alexa and Delaney have grade 1 (small) brain bleeds. The doctors don't seem too concerned at this point and seem to feel as though they will likely resolve themselves, but it is just one more thing to keep praying about.

Our church is doing a series on being "Fearless" right now and our pastor asked Eugene and I to share our story about the twins during the intro. I was really nervous to do it because everything is still so fresh for me and I don't feel like we're totally through it yet, but yet I really wanted to share what God has done and is continuing to do in and through this. It's funny because I think I'm doing ok with things until something like Alexa's hypothyroidism or the brain bleed thing comes up and then I struggle with being fearful all over again. Or I think I'm fine until I go to talk about it and then I randomly start crying. Anyhow, I survived the talk and didn't totally break down (which was totally an answer to prayer given that I couldn't get more than a couple words out all morning without getting emotional!) so I was thankful for that. Here's the link in case anyone wants to hear it. http://www.genesiswired.com/media/audio/. It was hard to keep it to a couple minutes because I feel like there's so much more to be said, but I was glad that we could at least share part of it.

Moe and Kris and Mom and Dad came to visit this weekend. It was fun to have them around, and they were a huge help in disassembling the office and beginning to make it into a nursery! Now all we need is the babies and we'll be all set!

It's kind of fun to see the babies' personalities showing a little more. Alexa seems to have developed a reputation of being the "feisty one" while Delaney tends to be a little more mild mannered over all, but that is all subject to change. I can't wait to spend more consistent time with them to see for myself!

No more tubes!

Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. The girls had been sailing along, and then on Friday the hospital received the results to Alexa's blood screen done in Grand Rapids and, after running a few more tests, discovered that she has hypothyroidism. Apparently this is pretty rare for an infant and can affect her body temperature, oxygen levels, brain development, and metabolism/GI function among other things. As a result, they started her on medication immediately. We're not sure at this point if this will be something she will have to take for the rest of her life or if it will eventually resolve itself over time. She was also placed back on oxygen temporarily as her oxygen levels had been somewhat low on and off for a while, and yesterday they started her on some caffeine (yes, caffeine!) to help with her breathing.

Her doctor wants us to take her back to Grand Rapids after she is released from the hospital to consult with a pediatric endocrinologist regarding further care. So I guess we'll be making one more trip back to GR soon! Interestingly enough, Delaney does not seem to have any thyroid issues, despite sharing the same genetic make-up as Alexa so we're not sure if that means that it's not genetic or what.

On a more positive note, both girls had their feeding tubes removed today and have started taking bottles for every feeding! So far they have been doing great with it! They have been polishing off their bottles within minutes (even when the nurses slip them extras), and have been looking for more so the doctor agreed to increase their feedings to 40 mls. The girls are also getting closer to 4 pounds so they have started turning down the heat in their isolets, which the girls have done well with so far. The nurses seem to think that they may be able to move to an open bed before long! All good things!! Praise God!

Closer to home...

Well, the babies will be two weeks old tomorrow, and today marked a big milestone as they were transported (by ambulance) from Devos Hospital to Northern Michigan Hospital! Alexa had her IV taken out on Saturday and Delaney followed suit on Sunday, and they both began some bottle feedings on Saturday. As a result, the doctors felt they were stable enough to be transferred up to Petoskey! The girls have both done really well with their bottle feedings so far. Delaney took 15 of her 30 ml's on her first try, which the nurse was very impressed with since apparently most babies will only take around 5 or so the first several times. Alexa then decided to show her sister up and take the full 30 ml's her very first bottle feed, and has continued to do so pretty much every feeding. They are only getting bottles 2 times per day at this point as they expend so much energy taking the bottle that it can become counter-productive to do more than that at this point.

They are both regaining their weight, although somewhat slowly. Right now Alexa weighs 3 pounds, 13 ounces and Delaney weighs 3 pounds, 10 ounces. Their main goal in the NICU is just eating and growing. In order to come home they need to be able to regulate their own temperature and be able to take all their feedings by bottle and/or breast. It sounds like most babies have to be around 4 pounds to maintain their own temperature, and the feeding thing will just take some time to work up to, but we're getting there!

After nearly 8 weeks of being in GR, it's so good to be home! It will definitely be an adjustment for all of us to have me around again, but one I think we're all ready to make. All things considered, the last 8 weeks have gone incredibly smoothly, and have gone by faster than I anticipated. It was actually a little bittersweet to be heading home as we have all really enjoyed our time in GR staying with the Kohsels. They have truly become family to us in these past couple months and I don't know what we would have done without them! Also, as hard as it has been to be away for so long, I'm kind of glad I had the opportunity to heal some before having to dive back into full responsibilities at home! And now I have a little time to get my home in order before the babies actually come home, so I guess it's not all bad. So for now we are enjoying at least having our whole family in the same town again, and are looking forward to the day that we will all be under one roof!

6 days old

Ok, so I have not been doing a very good job of updating this blog since the babies were born! Somehow life just got a whole lot busier in the past week! So anyhow, here's a summary of the last week's events. After less than 24 hours in the NICU the girls were moved to the NIM (intermediate unit) as they were breathing well on their own. Feedings have been their biggest challenge so far. Until today they have been tube fed a whopping 6 ml of breast milk, which seems like all of a couple drops, and have IV's in to provide them with TPN for additional nourishment since they have not been tolerating their feedings overly well. They have, however, made enough improvement in the past day or so that they are attempting to bump their feedings up to 12 ml so we'll see how that goes! We're hopeful that they will be able to go off of the TPN before long so they won't have to have the IV's anymore as they have had to get new IV's pretty frequently and they're starting to run out of veins to put them in! Delaney received a peripheral pic line yesterday in an attempt to keep from being poked quite so much, and Alexa is on the waiting list to receive one. Apparently pic lines are in high demand. Who knew!

Both Delaney and Alexa received photo therapy for high bilirubin levels for a couple days, but have since been taken off and are doing well without so far. After losing some weight initially both babies are almost back up to their original birth weight. The nurses continue to be amazed at how closely the girls track one another: their weights, bili levels, vitals, etc. all tend to be very close. I guess that's what happens when you share that close of space for so long!

Eugene's parents and brother came to the hospital Friday, and then my parents brought the kids down to see the babies Friday evening. It was fun to watch the kids' reactions to the babies. Kyla and Addie were very excited and nurturing. I was impressed with how uninhibited, but gentle they were with"their" babies. Between how tiny they are and all the tubes and wires and everything it can be kind of intimidating to touch them initially because you feel like you're going to break them or something, but the girls were not phased at all and loved holding their hands and gently caressing their heads. Addie was especially into them and chose to come back with Eugene and I on Sunday to spend some time with them again. You could tell she was just eating it up, and asked to help feed them and picked out some clothes for them and even got to help hold them some. Taiven was quite enthralled for the first couple minutes or so and kept saying "I hold it?", but the next day he was less than thrilled when I was holding Delaney instead of him. He kept pointing to her isolet and saying "bed", as in "Put her back!".

Overall, it's been somewhat of a crazy week as our plans (ok, my plans) have continued to change almost daily. Checking out the hospital was strangely bittersweet after my 6 week stint there; partially because it was starting to feel like home and I knew I would miss a lot of the benefits of having people care for me day and night, as well as the fact that I was leaving without my babies! My original plan was to stay at the Ronald McDonald house in GR so I could take the shuttle back and forth to the hospital, but after touring and checking in I was not sure I could handle that amount of isolation at that point, and was kind of nervous about being on my own so soon after surgery so my understanding husband helped me check right back out and I went to the Kohsels with the rest of my family Saturday night. It was so good just to be able to be with everyone again, and feel like a part of my family again!

After much debate I decided to go home with Eugene and the kids Sunday, with the hopes of being able to drive back down either Tuesday or Wednesday so I could have my own transportation to go back and forth to the hospital. Unfortunately, I've had enough pain issues and random rib issues that I have not felt overly comfortable driving all that way by myself just yet. Today seemed to be somewhat better though so I'm hoping to give it a try tomorrow.

It's hard because I have loved being at home with Eugene, Kyla, Addie and Taiven, especially after having been away for so long, but at the same time it's killing me to be away from the babies for so long! I feel like either way I can't win. I know that the babies are being well cared for, but at the same time it's not the same as being there yourself. It's just frustrating feeling like I can't be the mom that I want to be either place at the moment! We're hoping that the babies will either be able to come home or be transferred to the hospital in Petoskey within the next couple weeks, but we'll see. Everything is just a day at a time right now. Although I know it present a whole new set of challenges, I can't wait for our family to all be together again!

Ok, now that I have written an entire book on the events of the last several days it's time to go get some sleep. I figure I better do that while I can these days!

1 day old

Two peas in a pod

Delaney "Lani"

Alexa "Lexi"

The girls continue to amaze us as they were transferred less than 24 hours from the NICU to the NIM (stepdown unit). They are breathing completely on their own and tolerated their first breast milk feedings today. We've enjoyed holding them next to each other today. They seem to miss each other. God's grace has never been so tangible as it is now. He is so faithful!

Happy Birthday!

Well, Delaney Mae and Alexa Janae were born this morning at 8:53 a.m. Delaney weighed in at 3 pounds, 10 ounces, and Alexa weighed in at 3 pounds, 8 1/2 ounces. Both girls measured 16 inches long. Both Delaney and Alexa were put on a c-pap initially to assist with their breathing, but they have both since been taken off and have been breathing unassisted! Everything went smoothly with the c-section and we are thrilled with how well the girls are doing so far. We were even able to hold them for a while this evening doing "kangaroo care" where you hold the baby skin to skin. They seem so small and fragile, especially compared to our usual 10 pound babies, but they are so sweet! We are so grateful that they are both here and healthy, all things considered! It was pretty amazing to see the cords all twisted, and Alexa had the cords wrapped and looped around her midsection twice, and yet they are both out and doing amazingly well. Praise God!