Somehow I am finding that it's much harder to maintain a blog when you're not sitting around a hospital room 24 hours a day! My days feel much more chaotic these days than they did a month or so ago. As strange as it sounds, I'm beginning to feel like my 6 week hospital stay was God's way of providing a rest for me before the real chaos began! I thought I would feel less torn and pulled in fewer directions once the babies moved up here from GR, but somehow I still feel pulled in different directions! I'm torn between wanting to spend time with the babies and wanting to spend time with my older kids; wanting to catch up with all my friends that I haven't seen in the last couple months and wanting to get things done around the house and elsewhere before the babies are home and I have no time to do any of the above, and the list goes on. I feel like my days are just spent running back and forth between the hospital and home and school, etc., etc. and I am left with very little quality time with anyone! I keep thinking the next phase will be better, but I'm beginning to wonder if it really will or if this will just continue to be a struggle to juggle everything from here on out. The kids have been pretty understanding so far, but I'm wondering how things will go once the babies are home and I have less and less time to devote to them individually!
Speaking of the babies coming home, it looks like they may be able to come home as early as this weekend! They have been eating really well lately and gaining weight. At one point last week they had to have their feeding tubes put back in for a little while because they were just getting too tired, but they have had them back out now for about 4 days and seem to be going strong with the bottles! They both weigh around 4 1/2 pounds now, give or take a little. The doctor took them off of the milk fortifier yesterday, and wants to see if they will continue to gain weight without it, but that is the last thing they really need to accomplish before they can come home, assuming they don't regress in the mean time.
The only other significant thing that has happened in the last week or so is that they had a head ultrasound done, and found that both Alexa and Delaney have grade 1 (small) brain bleeds. The doctors don't seem too concerned at this point and seem to feel as though they will likely resolve themselves, but it is just one more thing to keep praying about.
Our church is doing a series on being "Fearless" right now and our pastor asked Eugene and I to share our story about the twins during the intro. I was really nervous to do it because everything is still so fresh for me and I don't feel like we're totally through it yet, but yet I really wanted to share what God has done and is continuing to do in and through this. It's funny because I think I'm doing ok with things until something like Alexa's hypothyroidism or the brain bleed thing comes up and then I struggle with being fearful all over again. Or I think I'm fine until I go to talk about it and then I randomly start crying. Anyhow, I survived the talk and didn't totally break down (which was totally an answer to prayer given that I couldn't get more than a couple words out all morning without getting emotional!) so I was thankful for that. Here's the link in case anyone wants to hear it. http://www.genesiswired.com/media/audio/. It was hard to keep it to a couple minutes because I feel like there's so much more to be said, but I was glad that we could at least share part of it.
Moe and Kris and Mom and Dad came to visit this weekend. It was fun to have them around, and they were a huge help in disassembling the office and beginning to make it into a nursery! Now all we need is the babies and we'll be all set!
It's kind of fun to see the babies' personalities showing a little more. Alexa seems to have developed a reputation of being the "feisty one" while Delaney tends to be a little more mild mannered over all, but that is all subject to change. I can't wait to spend more consistent time with them to see for myself!
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Hang in there, Allison! I hear your frustration about the balance and what to do and how much time. I struggle with that regularly, and I can only imagine with twins coming home how much more challenging it could be!
ReplyDeleteBut it is true, God is in control! He has brought you and your family to this place and he will bring you through it as well. You are in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. Know that you have support and you are loved!!