They're home!

Alexa

Delaney

Well, the babies came home just over a week ago (on October 10th). Praise God! It has been so nice to have our whole family under the same roof for once! Of course this has presented it's own set of challenges, but it's definitely been good to be together finally. Alexa and Delaney are doing wonderfully. They came home Saturday and when they had their doctor appointment on Wednesday they had already gained nearly half a pound each. Delaney was averaging a gain of 2 ounces per day and Alexa was averaging one ounce per day. The doctor said they're usually thrilled if they are even gaining a half of an once per day at this point. They are growing so quickly and even look almost like "normal" sized newborns at this point! The last they were weighed Delaney weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and Alexa weighed 5 pounds, which granted is still half the birth weight of my other kids, but they seem so big now! Alexa's thyroid levels are much better, and although they are both still a little jaundiced the doctors are not overly concerned about it at this point.

The hardest thing so far has been the lack of sleep. Although they are both great babies and rarely cry unless they are hungry or cold or in need of a diaper change, they still eat every 3 hours or so at this point around the clock. And since there are two of them and I am pumping this can sometimes take up to 1 1/2 to 2 hours in the middle of the night and then you only have another hour or two until it's time to start it all over again. Eugene took part of the week off this week so he has been able to help out with the night shifts at this point, but I don't know how things are going to go once he goes back to work this week!

The harder thing for the older kids is understanding why they are not able to do some of the things we did as a family previously (like leaving the house, for example!). They all adore the babies and are very good at helping out, but I hope they don't end up resenting them as a result of the this temporary change in lifestyle. We are doing are best to keep things as normal for them as we can, but there are some things we just can't help. Taiven especially is having to learn how to be patient as I cannot get him things as quickly as he would like me to at times. Poor kid, he must have asked to "change poopy" about 20 times while I was feeding Delaney the other day. Maybe this will be good motivation for him to start using the potty if I can't always attend to his needs right away! Other than that I can only think of one occasion during the past week in which 4 of the 5 kids were crying at one time, and we managed to survive that so I'm thinking there's hope! :)

Once again I have just been overwhelmed by how supportive everyone has been - bringing meals and gifts, offering to pick up the kids from school or watch the kids during the day, offering to pick things up from the grocery store for us or to come stay with the babies so we can go to church or to come watch the kids so I can get some rest, or just to help in any way they can. I truly have felt so overwhelmed and humbled by this whole process. The hard thing for me will be taking people up on their offers to help, although I've just had to learn to start getting over that because, as Eugene likes to remind me, we need it!

The day we went to bring the babies home from the hospital I was reading my Bible (while pumping, might I add - I've gotten very good at multi-tasking!) and the chapters I read were just so fitting. One of the verses that stuck out to me was "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" (Psalm 126:3). How fitting. God truly has done great, even amazing, things for us and continues to provide for us in ways beyond what I could even ask or imagine! I am so grateful to have our 2 healthy miracle babies home with us, even when I am exhausted and dealing with two hungry babies in the middle of the night! The other verse that I read was "Sons (and I'm assuming daughters!) are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him... Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" (Psalm 127:3,5). Was a looking for a double "reward" from the Lord? Uh, no. But do I feel blessed to have been given two? Definitely. Undeserving, but blessed.

The final verse that stuck out to me was that "He (the Lord) grants sleep to those he loves." I kid you not! It says that in the Bible! To which my response is "Don't you love me anymore, Lord???" :) I guess His blessings sometimes come with a price... somehow I have a feeling it's worth the cost.

Coming home soon???

Somehow I am finding that it's much harder to maintain a blog when you're not sitting around a hospital room 24 hours a day! My days feel much more chaotic these days than they did a month or so ago. As strange as it sounds, I'm beginning to feel like my 6 week hospital stay was God's way of providing a rest for me before the real chaos began! I thought I would feel less torn and pulled in fewer directions once the babies moved up here from GR, but somehow I still feel pulled in different directions! I'm torn between wanting to spend time with the babies and wanting to spend time with my older kids; wanting to catch up with all my friends that I haven't seen in the last couple months and wanting to get things done around the house and elsewhere before the babies are home and I have no time to do any of the above, and the list goes on. I feel like my days are just spent running back and forth between the hospital and home and school, etc., etc. and I am left with very little quality time with anyone! I keep thinking the next phase will be better, but I'm beginning to wonder if it really will or if this will just continue to be a struggle to juggle everything from here on out. The kids have been pretty understanding so far, but I'm wondering how things will go once the babies are home and I have less and less time to devote to them individually!

Speaking of the babies coming home, it looks like they may be able to come home as early as this weekend! They have been eating really well lately and gaining weight. At one point last week they had to have their feeding tubes put back in for a little while because they were just getting too tired, but they have had them back out now for about 4 days and seem to be going strong with the bottles! They both weigh around 4 1/2 pounds now, give or take a little. The doctor took them off of the milk fortifier yesterday, and wants to see if they will continue to gain weight without it, but that is the last thing they really need to accomplish before they can come home, assuming they don't regress in the mean time.

The only other significant thing that has happened in the last week or so is that they had a head ultrasound done, and found that both Alexa and Delaney have grade 1 (small) brain bleeds. The doctors don't seem too concerned at this point and seem to feel as though they will likely resolve themselves, but it is just one more thing to keep praying about.

Our church is doing a series on being "Fearless" right now and our pastor asked Eugene and I to share our story about the twins during the intro. I was really nervous to do it because everything is still so fresh for me and I don't feel like we're totally through it yet, but yet I really wanted to share what God has done and is continuing to do in and through this. It's funny because I think I'm doing ok with things until something like Alexa's hypothyroidism or the brain bleed thing comes up and then I struggle with being fearful all over again. Or I think I'm fine until I go to talk about it and then I randomly start crying. Anyhow, I survived the talk and didn't totally break down (which was totally an answer to prayer given that I couldn't get more than a couple words out all morning without getting emotional!) so I was thankful for that. Here's the link in case anyone wants to hear it. http://www.genesiswired.com/media/audio/. It was hard to keep it to a couple minutes because I feel like there's so much more to be said, but I was glad that we could at least share part of it.

Moe and Kris and Mom and Dad came to visit this weekend. It was fun to have them around, and they were a huge help in disassembling the office and beginning to make it into a nursery! Now all we need is the babies and we'll be all set!

It's kind of fun to see the babies' personalities showing a little more. Alexa seems to have developed a reputation of being the "feisty one" while Delaney tends to be a little more mild mannered over all, but that is all subject to change. I can't wait to spend more consistent time with them to see for myself!

No more tubes!

Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. The girls had been sailing along, and then on Friday the hospital received the results to Alexa's blood screen done in Grand Rapids and, after running a few more tests, discovered that she has hypothyroidism. Apparently this is pretty rare for an infant and can affect her body temperature, oxygen levels, brain development, and metabolism/GI function among other things. As a result, they started her on medication immediately. We're not sure at this point if this will be something she will have to take for the rest of her life or if it will eventually resolve itself over time. She was also placed back on oxygen temporarily as her oxygen levels had been somewhat low on and off for a while, and yesterday they started her on some caffeine (yes, caffeine!) to help with her breathing.

Her doctor wants us to take her back to Grand Rapids after she is released from the hospital to consult with a pediatric endocrinologist regarding further care. So I guess we'll be making one more trip back to GR soon! Interestingly enough, Delaney does not seem to have any thyroid issues, despite sharing the same genetic make-up as Alexa so we're not sure if that means that it's not genetic or what.

On a more positive note, both girls had their feeding tubes removed today and have started taking bottles for every feeding! So far they have been doing great with it! They have been polishing off their bottles within minutes (even when the nurses slip them extras), and have been looking for more so the doctor agreed to increase their feedings to 40 mls. The girls are also getting closer to 4 pounds so they have started turning down the heat in their isolets, which the girls have done well with so far. The nurses seem to think that they may be able to move to an open bed before long! All good things!! Praise God!

Closer to home...

Well, the babies will be two weeks old tomorrow, and today marked a big milestone as they were transported (by ambulance) from Devos Hospital to Northern Michigan Hospital! Alexa had her IV taken out on Saturday and Delaney followed suit on Sunday, and they both began some bottle feedings on Saturday. As a result, the doctors felt they were stable enough to be transferred up to Petoskey! The girls have both done really well with their bottle feedings so far. Delaney took 15 of her 30 ml's on her first try, which the nurse was very impressed with since apparently most babies will only take around 5 or so the first several times. Alexa then decided to show her sister up and take the full 30 ml's her very first bottle feed, and has continued to do so pretty much every feeding. They are only getting bottles 2 times per day at this point as they expend so much energy taking the bottle that it can become counter-productive to do more than that at this point.

They are both regaining their weight, although somewhat slowly. Right now Alexa weighs 3 pounds, 13 ounces and Delaney weighs 3 pounds, 10 ounces. Their main goal in the NICU is just eating and growing. In order to come home they need to be able to regulate their own temperature and be able to take all their feedings by bottle and/or breast. It sounds like most babies have to be around 4 pounds to maintain their own temperature, and the feeding thing will just take some time to work up to, but we're getting there!

After nearly 8 weeks of being in GR, it's so good to be home! It will definitely be an adjustment for all of us to have me around again, but one I think we're all ready to make. All things considered, the last 8 weeks have gone incredibly smoothly, and have gone by faster than I anticipated. It was actually a little bittersweet to be heading home as we have all really enjoyed our time in GR staying with the Kohsels. They have truly become family to us in these past couple months and I don't know what we would have done without them! Also, as hard as it has been to be away for so long, I'm kind of glad I had the opportunity to heal some before having to dive back into full responsibilities at home! And now I have a little time to get my home in order before the babies actually come home, so I guess it's not all bad. So for now we are enjoying at least having our whole family in the same town again, and are looking forward to the day that we will all be under one roof!

6 days old

Ok, so I have not been doing a very good job of updating this blog since the babies were born! Somehow life just got a whole lot busier in the past week! So anyhow, here's a summary of the last week's events. After less than 24 hours in the NICU the girls were moved to the NIM (intermediate unit) as they were breathing well on their own. Feedings have been their biggest challenge so far. Until today they have been tube fed a whopping 6 ml of breast milk, which seems like all of a couple drops, and have IV's in to provide them with TPN for additional nourishment since they have not been tolerating their feedings overly well. They have, however, made enough improvement in the past day or so that they are attempting to bump their feedings up to 12 ml so we'll see how that goes! We're hopeful that they will be able to go off of the TPN before long so they won't have to have the IV's anymore as they have had to get new IV's pretty frequently and they're starting to run out of veins to put them in! Delaney received a peripheral pic line yesterday in an attempt to keep from being poked quite so much, and Alexa is on the waiting list to receive one. Apparently pic lines are in high demand. Who knew!

Both Delaney and Alexa received photo therapy for high bilirubin levels for a couple days, but have since been taken off and are doing well without so far. After losing some weight initially both babies are almost back up to their original birth weight. The nurses continue to be amazed at how closely the girls track one another: their weights, bili levels, vitals, etc. all tend to be very close. I guess that's what happens when you share that close of space for so long!

Eugene's parents and brother came to the hospital Friday, and then my parents brought the kids down to see the babies Friday evening. It was fun to watch the kids' reactions to the babies. Kyla and Addie were very excited and nurturing. I was impressed with how uninhibited, but gentle they were with"their" babies. Between how tiny they are and all the tubes and wires and everything it can be kind of intimidating to touch them initially because you feel like you're going to break them or something, but the girls were not phased at all and loved holding their hands and gently caressing their heads. Addie was especially into them and chose to come back with Eugene and I on Sunday to spend some time with them again. You could tell she was just eating it up, and asked to help feed them and picked out some clothes for them and even got to help hold them some. Taiven was quite enthralled for the first couple minutes or so and kept saying "I hold it?", but the next day he was less than thrilled when I was holding Delaney instead of him. He kept pointing to her isolet and saying "bed", as in "Put her back!".

Overall, it's been somewhat of a crazy week as our plans (ok, my plans) have continued to change almost daily. Checking out the hospital was strangely bittersweet after my 6 week stint there; partially because it was starting to feel like home and I knew I would miss a lot of the benefits of having people care for me day and night, as well as the fact that I was leaving without my babies! My original plan was to stay at the Ronald McDonald house in GR so I could take the shuttle back and forth to the hospital, but after touring and checking in I was not sure I could handle that amount of isolation at that point, and was kind of nervous about being on my own so soon after surgery so my understanding husband helped me check right back out and I went to the Kohsels with the rest of my family Saturday night. It was so good just to be able to be with everyone again, and feel like a part of my family again!

After much debate I decided to go home with Eugene and the kids Sunday, with the hopes of being able to drive back down either Tuesday or Wednesday so I could have my own transportation to go back and forth to the hospital. Unfortunately, I've had enough pain issues and random rib issues that I have not felt overly comfortable driving all that way by myself just yet. Today seemed to be somewhat better though so I'm hoping to give it a try tomorrow.

It's hard because I have loved being at home with Eugene, Kyla, Addie and Taiven, especially after having been away for so long, but at the same time it's killing me to be away from the babies for so long! I feel like either way I can't win. I know that the babies are being well cared for, but at the same time it's not the same as being there yourself. It's just frustrating feeling like I can't be the mom that I want to be either place at the moment! We're hoping that the babies will either be able to come home or be transferred to the hospital in Petoskey within the next couple weeks, but we'll see. Everything is just a day at a time right now. Although I know it present a whole new set of challenges, I can't wait for our family to all be together again!

Ok, now that I have written an entire book on the events of the last several days it's time to go get some sleep. I figure I better do that while I can these days!

1 day old

Two peas in a pod

Delaney "Lani"

Alexa "Lexi"

The girls continue to amaze us as they were transferred less than 24 hours from the NICU to the NIM (stepdown unit). They are breathing completely on their own and tolerated their first breast milk feedings today. We've enjoyed holding them next to each other today. They seem to miss each other. God's grace has never been so tangible as it is now. He is so faithful!

Happy Birthday!

Well, Delaney Mae and Alexa Janae were born this morning at 8:53 a.m. Delaney weighed in at 3 pounds, 10 ounces, and Alexa weighed in at 3 pounds, 8 1/2 ounces. Both girls measured 16 inches long. Both Delaney and Alexa were put on a c-pap initially to assist with their breathing, but they have both since been taken off and have been breathing unassisted! Everything went smoothly with the c-section and we are thrilled with how well the girls are doing so far. We were even able to hold them for a while this evening doing "kangaroo care" where you hold the baby skin to skin. They seem so small and fragile, especially compared to our usual 10 pound babies, but they are so sweet! We are so grateful that they are both here and healthy, all things considered! It was pretty amazing to see the cords all twisted, and Alexa had the cords wrapped and looped around her midsection twice, and yet they are both out and doing amazingly well. Praise God!

Day Thirty-nine

Less than 2 days to go until d-day (delivery day)! I get butterflies just writing that! It feels like we have been waiting for this day for so long, even though it will be a full 2 months shorter than any of my other pregnancies. I've just never been so consumed with any of my pregnancies before and making it to 32 weeks without anything happening to either baby is such a blessing and answer to prayer. It's a day that seemed like it would never come, not that we're there just yet but we're so close!

I had another good weekend with the fam, and I also got to spend some time with Gwen and Jennie (and family) for a while this weekend. We had a great Girls Night Out last night, which was very refreshing! It worked out well that I got to spend an extra day with Euge and the kids today too since it was Labor Day. We were even able to get in a little last minute school shopping today. Kyla starts first grade tomorrow and then Addie starts preschool on Wednesday. I really wish I could be there! At least neither of them is starting a new school this year, although this will be Kyla's first year of going all day, every day.

I've still been contracting occasionally, but I swear it's mostly just when they put me on the monitors, which is frustrating because if I start contracting they leave me on longer and then I contract more and on and on it goes. They also started the second round of betamethasone steroid injections today in an attempt to help the babies' lungs develop a little more before we deliver Wednesday.

I'm so excited to see the babies and have them be part of our lives, but there's definitely a lot I'm nervous about too! Here's just a few of the concerns on my mind...

• I'm nervous about having a c-section, as this is my first one - just kind of a fear of the unknown.
• I'm nervous about how the babies are going to do once they are out and how their health will be.
• I'm nervous about how I'm going to balance my time between being here with the babies and being home with Eugene and the kids.
• I'm nervous about trying to care for 5 kids once the babies come home, and giving them all the attention that they each so desperately need and deserve.
• I'm nervous about trying to care for 2 babies at the same time (I am so not the baby whisperer!)
• I'm nervous about whether or not I'm ever going to see anything or anyone outside the walls of my home for the next year, and if not, how I will ever survive, being the social person that I am.

I could go on, but you get the idea. :) So I continue to pray that God will give me peace and the strength that I need to face each new challenge as it comes. He certainly hasn't let us down so far so I have to trust that he will continue to meet not only my needs, but the needs of every other person in my family! I honestly can't imagine trying to face all this on my own, and I am so grateful that I don't have to!

Day Thirty-four

Thirty-one weeks down, one to go! As of Monday, we have an official delivery date. If all goes as planned we will be going to c-section at 8:30 a.m. on Wednesday, September 9th, which is kind of a cool date as it will be 9-9-09. My nurses were suggesting that I should have the babies at 9:09, just to add to the coolness. Right now I'm just hoping to make it to next Wednesday! I've been having quite a few contractions over the last couple days. Last night I was having contractions every 3-6 minutes or so so they checked my cervix to see if there was any change. There wasn't, but they started me on some Procardia again, which didn't seem to help initially, but things eventually settled down after a couple hours. Everything was pretty calm for the rest of the night, but the contractions started up again this morning so they checked me again. Since I still wasn't showing any change the doctor said they wouldn't do anything about it right now unless they get a lot stronger or more frequent. Needless to say, I've been doing a lot less walking around these days just to make sure I'm not triggering anything.

Everyone keeps saying how I must be so anxious to get out of here, and as much as I miss my family and my home I have to say I'm almost a little nervous about leaving the hospital. I've been here long enough now that this has become my norm, and I've kind of gotten used to having my own routine, which does not include having to cook or clean or discipline, etc., etc. I know that once I leave the hospital life will not be as calm as it is right now for quite some time so I'm trying to "enjoy" the time I have left here, as strange as that sounds. That said, I am very excited about meeting my little girls and being able to feel like a part of my family again, no matter how much chaos ensues!

Day Thirty-one

Not much new happening right now. They are continuing to keep an eye on my contractions, but so far I have just had a couple per monitoring strip so they are not too concerned at this point and I was able to have my IV taken out yesterday, which I was thankful for. Just having it in temporarily made me appreciate my freedom all the more!

It was good to see Eugene and the kids again this weekend. I was able to leave yesterday, but today my doctor wanted me to stay in and lay low since I was continuing to have contractions this morning. The kids have really done impressively well spending as much time in the hospital as they have; not that it always goes entirely smoothly, but they have done far better than I ever imagined they would. I was also amazed to see that Taiven really seems to be healing quickly. He was putting his full weight on both arms and using them pretty normally this weekend.

The babies are still looking good, despite the occasional decel. They are very active these days and the nurses and I get a kick out of watching my stomach do the wave or seeing a hand or foot slowly but deliberately move across my entire abdomen. People keep asking throughout my pregnancy if it feels different to be carrying two babies, and up until now I would say it hasn't really, but within the last week or so the amount of movement in there has gone to a whole new level where at times I feel like there are extremities moving and and poking every part of my stomach! It makes for hours of entertainment when there's not much else to do! :)

Day Twenty-eight

Well, today has been a little more eventful than I anticipated. They put me on the monitors this morning as usual, and everything looked ok with the babies for the most part, but it was showing that I was having contractions fairly frequently. I couldn't really feel them at first, but once I noticed them on the monitor I could feel a slight tightening. It was frequent enough that the doctor was concerned and so they put in an IV to pump me full of water to see if maybe I was just dehydrated and that was what was causing the contractions. They seemed to slow a little with the IV, but did not stop so then they had me take a medication called Procardia to try to stop them and as soon as I did that they stopped and I was able to go off the monitor at least, although they left the IV in for now. The rest of my monitoring sessions today were uneventful and showed no contractions so that's good. Now we just wait and see what happens!

Taiven seems to be healing pretty well so far. I don't think he's been slowed down too terribly much, from what I hear. Surprisingly enough, it sounds like kids his age can actually heal from something like this in as little as 2 weeks! It's definitely a relief to know that he doesn't seem to be in too much pain at least. The girls seem to be doing well as well. Half the time they're not even interested in talking on the phone anymore so I guess that's a good sign that they're not missing me too much!

We've spent a lot of time this week talking about when we want to deliver, assuming the babies don't decide for us! The big debate is whether to deliver at 32 weeks and risk more of the complications that can come with prematurity or do we wait until closer to 34 weeks and risk the possibility of something happening and losing one or both of them all together. I think at this point we're leaning more toward delivering at 32 weeks, but we'll see as time goes on.

Between my visit to the NICU and having a couple scares this week I have found this verse to be a good reminder: "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear." (Psalm 112:7-8). God has been so faithful throughout this entire process, and I know I can trust in Him. Sometimes I just need to remind my heart of that!

Day Twenty-six

Well, Eugene and I have officially been married for 8 years as of today. Eugene actually drove back down to Grand Rapids last night after work to surprise me so that we could spend our anniversary day together. I was outside taking a walk around the hospital and talking to him on the phone when he pulled up beside me. I was quite surprised, to say the least! I think that was the best gift he could have given me. It's amazing how much you grow to appreciate a little time together when you don't get to see each other on a regular basis for a month! I am so thankful I've been blessed with such an amazing husband!

I got another day pass to leave today since it was our anniversary and all, but after this morning's monitoring we weren't sure if we were going to be able to go or not. It was definitely the most concerning monitoring session I've had yet. Baby A was having numerous decelerations (which is the main thing we're watching for). By the time all was said and done I was on the monitors for an hour and a half as opposed to the usual 20-30 minute stint I typically have, but her heart rate eventually stabilized enough that they felt confident that everything was ok. Fortunately, our last monitoring session looked much better. Praise God!

Yesterday I finally went down to tour the NICU. The nurse showed me a baby that was about 29 weeks like mine are right now, and although I thought I was prepared, I immediately started to tear up. He was just so tiny! He looked so fragile laying in his isolet with all the bright lights and cords and everything hooked up to him. It's amazing to me the technology that is available today for these babies. Still, I'm just praying that we are able to make it at least another couple weeks so the babies can develop a little more before they enter into this harsh outside world!

Day Twenty-four

This weekend has definitely been one of the more difficult ones since I have been in the hospital. Taiven fell off a swing last Thursday and seemed to hurt himself more so than the normal bump or bruise, but we couldn't tell for sure just how bad it was or if he was just extra tired or what. Then last night we were at a BBQ (aka "Meat Fest") at the Kohsel's and Taiven finally got down to play outside for a little and then tripped and fell and proceeded to cry in obvious pain for the next hour or so until he eventually fell asleep.

This morning when he got up Eugene said he was definitely favoring his right arm and seemed to be walking as though his left shoulder was lower and was bothering him. Eugene rechecked his shoulder and discovered that he had apparently dislocated it. He proceeded to pop it back in, which was pretty traumatic for all involved, but Taiven seemed to be feeling much better afterward. However, he would still cry if we tried to pick him up or if he moved the wrong way so after they got home tonight Eugene took him into the office and x-rayed his shoulder and discovered that he had also broken his clavicle. No wonder the poor boy was in so much pain!

All this, along with being able to see the toll all this transition is starting to take on my family, made for a very difficult weekend emotionally for me. It was heartbreaking for me to see Taiven in so much pain and know that I had to leave him to go back to the hospital. Even though I know there is not a whole lot I could do for him it's just hard to feel like you can't be there for your child when he is hurting, and can't help bear the load this creates for those who are caring for him.

As for the babies, they continue to look good overall. Thursday we had a couple of monitoring sessions where their heart rates dropped for a period of time, but they eventually recovered and have monitored well since. It was definitely a reminder for me though that we are not in the clear yet. I feel like I am learning a hard lesson about trusting the Lord right now; even with my children. Maybe I'll get it eventually...

Day Twenty

Well, the babies are 29 weeks as of today. We had a growth ultrasound and cord doppler today and both babies are still looking good. Their cords are quite obviously tangled at this point, which is to be expected, but there don't appear to be any tight knots or anything concerning at this point. Baby A weighs 2 pounds, 15 ounces, and Baby B weighs 2 pounds, 14 ounces. That is about 50th percentile for babies at this stage so I was happy with that! So for now we just keep on keeping on...

Day Seventeen

I had a good weekend with Eugene and the kids. I was able to leave again both yesterday and today. I was even able to go to church with them today! We also got to get in a couple rounds of Settlers with Scott and Liz last night, which was fun even though Eugene beat us both games. The goodbyes with the kids are definitely getting better, although it's never easy for me.

The babies are both still looking good, despite some minor decelerations by Baby "B" a couple times. The nurses continue to reassure me that the readings still look good over all though. Liz commented last night that Eugene and I seem so at peace about things, and we really are at this point. I'm not sure why, except that it's an answer to prayer, because I certainly was not at peace about things earlier in the pregnancy. I felt like I was constantly wondering if the babies were ok or if I would move the wrong way if something would happen to them, etc., etc. But at this point I can truly say that I feel at peace about this pregnancy. That's not to say that if something were to happen I wouldn't have a hard time with it, but for today anyhow I am thankful that God has given me peace that He is in control and I can trust Him, regardless of the outcome.

I keep thinking about this verse:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

So true!!

Day Fifteen

Well, the babies are officially 28 weeks as of Wednesday. Apparently 28 weeks is a big milestone in terms of lung development, which is encouraging! Their cord doplars and monitoring continues to look great thus far! Another milestone is that I have survived my first two weeks in the hospital. Yea! That means only 4-6 more weeks to go. Now that I have two down that really isn't sounding as bad. In fact this week has been kind of fun as I have had a lot of visitors and have been able to catch up with a lot of people that I have not seen in a long time, and have gotten to hang out with some of my friends without our kids around interrupting our conversation every couple minutes, which has been kind of nice for a change! :)

That said, I do miss my kids (and my husband!) dearly and am very excited for them to be coming down again today for the weekend. It seems as though they have thoroughly enjoyed their week with A-ma and A-gong, but it will be nice to have a little time with them before they're off to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house next week! I am so grateful for everyone's continued prayers for our family, and truly feel like God has been meeting our every need and even exceeding my expectations in many ways.

Day Twelve

Well, the last couple days have gone by faster than I thought they would, thanks to some surprise visitors. Yesterday I wasn't really expecting anyone and then Challah (an old friend from our church here in Grand Rapids) stopped in to visit for a couple hours. After she left Rod and Jodie (friends from our church in Petoskey) called to say they were in town and stopped in with their girls yesterday afternoon. Then today Liz and the boys came in again for a little this morning and when I got back to my room the Byers (our pastor and his family) were there waiting. They were on their way back to Petoskey from their vacation and stopped in for a bit. I know I've said it before, but I have just been so overwhelmed by everyone's support and the fact that all these people are taking time out of their busy schedules to come visit! I haven't even had much time to get bored, which is great!

The babies monitored well today. Baby "A" had one deceleration last night during our monitoring, and the nurse called the doctor to look at it and kept me on the monitors a little longer to make sure everything was ok, but everything else looked good. Both Eugene and my doctor reassured me that an occasional decel is normal and nothing to be concerned about, but I have to say I was a little concerned initially. I hope in the end it turns out that we had no need to be here, but for now I'm thankful that we're getting the monitoring we need to hopefully pick up any potential problems!

Day Ten

I had another good day today. My doctor surprised me again this morning when he rounded and casually offered that if I wanted to go out again today I could just let the nurses know. I, of course, took him up on his offer and we had another fun day outside of the confines of the hospital eating at McDonald's, hanging out at the mall, and going to Culver's for frozen custard. The kids did much better saying goodbye tonight, but that could have something to do with the fact that 2 out of 3 of them were sleeping by the time they dropped me off!

The babies are still looking good, although they are getting quite skilled at dodging the monitors. I swear as soon as the monitors come out they start moving like crazy trying to hide! Let's hope this isn't a sign of the mischievousness to come...

Day Nine

We had a full day today, as this was the first day I was able to leave the hospital for part of the day. Eugene and the kids came first thing this morning and we left for our day out on the town. First things first, we headed to Target :) so I could pick up a few things I had been wanting to get, then we went for lunch at Noodles and Co., and then headed to the Children's Museum for the afternoon before heading back to the hospital before my "curfew". All in all it was a very fun day, although we were all pretty tired by this evening.

I have to say, it felt kind of strange being out in public again! I don't know if I have grown a lot in the past week or what, but it felt like all day people were commenting about how I look like I'm about to pop. It's always amusing to see the shock in their eyes when I tell them I'm not due until November! Maybe it's a good thing I'm secluded in the hospital for the next several weeks and delivering early. I can only imagine the comments I would get if I were carrying these babies full term!

Kyla was already having a hard time this evening anticipating having to go home tomorrow, but we did a lot of talking and preparing before they left tonight and she did very well, although I could tell she was fighting back tears. I guess Taiven felt that someone needed to pick up the slack, and he took over crying and clinging. I don't know why it always hits me so hard when one of them doesn't want to let go because I know they will be fine in minutes, but it just kills me every time. I think I've been spoiled being able to stay home with my kids and spend every day with them. As a result, this much time apart is a big transition for all of us. The cool thing is that I feel like I am experiencing God as my comforter and strength in ways that I never have before, and now I am just praying that my children will as well!

Day Eight

Today was full of unexpected blessings. First, my doctor offered this morning that I could have a day pass to leave the hospital some time this weekend, which of course I was thrilled about, and then tonight I was told that I could move to the coveted corner room (it's a little bigger and has an extra window)! On top of all this my family came to visit today, along with Moe, Kristen and Zao. The only down side was when Eugene and the kids went to leave for the night Kyla had a very hard time leaving again, even though she was just going home to sleep. Overall, though, it has been a good day and I'm so looking forward to a fun day out with Eugene and the kids tomorrow!

Day Seven

Well, I have survived my first full week in the hospital. All in all it went by faster than I thought it might. The good news of the day was that I passed my 3 hour glucose test! That means no more finger pokes or insulin shots and I can keep eating my sweets and carbs. Yea! I guess that made the four blood draws worthwhile. Other than that, not much happening. Just counting down the hours until my family comes tomorrow...

Day Six

The babies are officially 27 weeks today. Yea! Somehow each week feels like a whole new milestone with this pregnancy. I had an ultrasound to look at the cord doplars today. It is suposed to help detect any cord compression. Praise God everything continues to look good. My mom and dad came to visit for the day today so once again I was blessed with entertainment for a good portion of my day. No song and dance or anything, but they did let me beat them in a game of Shanghai! :)

Day Five

Today went by more quickly than I anticipated. It definitely helps to have visitors and phone calls! The babies were very cooperative on the monitors today, and I was cleared from doing the blood sugar tests until Thursday at least so that's good news!

I'm beginning to realize that I need to be intentional with my time here or else I will waste the days away. I definitely believe that there is a purpose for everything, and I have to remind myself that God has a purpose even for this time in my life. I want to be intentional even in my time here where it feels like it doesn't matter what I do! I want to seek the Lord and His will for me whether that's just to spend more time in the Bible or in prayer or whether there are women here that I can encourage somehow or something else! But I'm finding that like most things no matter how much time or lack of time I have if I don't make it a priority it won't happen.

Day Four

Well, it's been a pretty uneventful day today - which isn't all bad. The babies are still looking really good. My excitement for the day was that I got to have an EKG and Echo done on my heart and now I'm on a monitor for 24 hours. This was all as in result to my heart rate being abnormally high when they took my vitals once on Saturday. I figure now's as good of a time as any to get it all checked out though since I'm here already and don't have much going on! I also managed to get away without any insulin shots today, which was nice. Hopefully once I have my 3 hour glucose test on Thursday I will be cleared of all blood sugar issues, but we'll see!

Day Three

Well, I survived the family goodbye today, although not without a few tears shed. I was doing fine until we were giving hugs goodbye and Kyla would not let go. I was trying so hard to be strong, but her hug just broke my heart. I really thought Taiven would be the one having the hardest time, but I'm not sure he has even noticed that I'm not there whereas it has been much harder for Kyla than I anticipated. I can only hope that this gets easier, and not harder, as time goes on.



The good news is that the babies' heartrates are still looking good, and my blood sugar levels have been coming down some (even with my chantilly cake splurge!), although they have not let up on the insulin shots as of yet.



I continue to feel very blessed by everyone's concern and support. I'm not sure how I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life, but I'm extremely grateful.

Day Two

Today was a good day. Eugene and the kids came around 9:30 this morning and ended up staying until almost 7. The kids did great, and they even all took naps here! I was able to leave the floor a couple times with them to go to the cafeteria and for a walk. We even snuck outside for a little fresh air, which was great.

No more contractions today; praise God! I'm even starting to get used to all the shots and finger pokes, although I'm still praying that they end soon. I'm beginning to realize just how good I have it here compared to most of the other women on this floor. I met someone today who has been on bedrest here since week 17. She is now 27 weeks and will likely be here for a couple more months, an has no idea if her baby's lungs will be developed at all when she does deliver. Yup, I definitely have a lot to be thankful for.

Day One

Well, I am finishing up my first full day of inpatient at Spectrum Hospital. We came down yesterday and met our new perinatologists, had an ultrasound, and then I was wheeled over to the hospital where I'll be staying for (hopefully) the next 6-8 weeks until I deliver. It's hard to believe that I'm here already as we've been anticipating this for a while now. It all suddenly became very real once I set foot in the room I will be staying in.

I can't say as though we've gotten off to an overly smooth start as they did a glucose test on me yesterday, which I apparently failed, and then I started having some mild contractions this afternoon. They are going to continue to monitor my blood-sugar levels four times a day, but cannot do a follow-up glucose test until next week as they wanted to go ahead with the steroid injection for the babies' lung development today, which can affect my sugar levels for up to a week.

I have to say that I can tell already that it is going to be a struggle not to get discouraged throughout this process. I've been here for just over 24 hours and I already find myself vacillating between self-pity and gratitude. My devotional this morning challenged me to give God the gift of a brave and thankful heart, and to look for causes for thankfulness even - and especiallly - in the hard times. It is my goal to do this throughout this process, especially since I truly have so much to be thankful for! So with that thought in mind, here are just a few of the things that I'm thankfor for...

1. I'm extremely thankful that we have made it to 26 weeks and both babies are still healthy. Praise God!

2. I'm thankful that I am able to be inpatient during these next 4-6 weeks. As crazy as it sounds, there are many MoMo moms that have to fight to get this kind of monitoring and I feel very blessed that we are able to do what we feel is the best for our babies at this point.

3. I'm thankful for supportive doctors and kind and caring nurses.

4. I'm thankful for my amazing husband who is capable of juggling so many different roles at once!

5. I'm thankful for the three wonderful children the Lord has already blessed us with. This experience has already made me learn to cherish each of them and the time I have with them!

6. I'm thankful for all of our friends and family members who have been more supportive and caring than I could even ask for! I don't know what we would do without you all!

7. I'm especially thankful for our Grand Rapids friends who are allowing my family to invade their space every weekend so that they can come visit me!

8. I'm thankful that I get some time off from doing dishes, laundry, cooking and cleaning for a while. What pregnant woman wouldn't appreciate that???

9. I'm thankful for my own room, a good night's sleep, and the fact that I'm not technically on bedrest unlike most of the other women on this floor!

10. I'm thankful for a loving God who I know will continue to give us all His strength during this whole process, and maybe even teach me a thing or two in the process!